My partner is a foreigner

the world in your pocket

My partner is a foreigner

Archive for the ‘USA’ Category

This is a guest post by Eve Bodeux. Eve is mother of two boys, married to a Frenchman. She lives in the Denver, Colorado USA area and blogs at bloggingonbilingualism.com

Parents the globe over have bilingualism (or multilingualism) as a goal for their children as they realize the value this advantage provides in our ever-smaller world. Mixing traditional approaches with modern supplemental activities allows enthusiastic parents to encourage their children in learning a second language. Here are my five top tips for success!

1. Start early

Introduce your child to his or her second language as soon as possible. Immediately after birth is not too soon! Don’t be discouraged, though, if you are introducing your child to a bilingual environment at a later age. Any linguistic input you are able to provide your child in a second language will propel him or her on the path to successful communication and contribute to his or her enthusiasm for learning about the world as a larger global community.

2. Encourage regular conversation

Have your child engage in conversation often with a native or proficient non-native speaker. This can be one or both parents, but if you do not speak the language you are targeting, this could be a relative, a good friend or a visitor from abroad for the summer, for example. The more time a child spends in exposure to the language, the more fluent he or she will become.

3. Take advantage of new technologies…

Nothing replaces human interaction, but use the tools at your disposal in today’s fast paced world. Does your son love his Nintendo DS? Then buy him games in Spanish to teach him new vocabulary without him even noticing as he zaps the bad guy. Does your daughter love her iPod? Download hip songs in Italian or German-language videos from the iTunes store or YouTube to watch on the go. DVDs used wisely can teach children new phrases and vocabulary as well as exposing them to cultural information that goes hand-in-hand with their second language.

4. …but don’t forget about books

Books are key to your child’s success in becoming fluent. They provide rich vocabulary input as well as develop literacy. For children just being introduced to a new language, feel free to use dual language texts side by side to encourage your child’s growing confidence. However, do not underestimate your child’s ability to learn quickly and, especially if your child is not reading yet, go for full immersion. Acquire monolingual books in your target language and your child will quickly begin to recognize new words, concepts and grammatical structures.

5. Demonstrate practical benefits

Show your child the practical side of the language. No one wants to learn a skill that isn’t used for anything. Does learning Italian help him to communicate with his Grandmother in Rome on Skype? Does understanding French let her be an email pen pal with the cute exchange student from last summer? Consistently use your second language when participating in a special activity with your child such as skiing or cooking.

Know that bilingualism is a journey and there will be highs and lows, but stick with it and you and your child will reap the long-term benefits. In addition to the obvious linguistic benefits, bilingualism encourages problem-solving skills and contributes to making your child a true world citizen.

What are your experiences with raising bilingual children? Do you have any tips to add to the list?

Read more:
A truly Spanglish couple: learning Spanish in Cancun, Mexico
Bilingualism in expat couples
Resources for multi-cultural families

  • 6 Comments
  • Filed under: Across cultures, France, USA
  • Tags: ,
  • Add This!
  • Meet Elizabeth and Chad

    Where are you from?

    I am from the West Midlands in the UK and my husband is from Virginia in the US

    Where did you meet?

    We met in Zambia, Africa. We were both volunteers in the same area.

    What language do you speak at home?

    English, but two different versions of it! Now we are back in Zambia we both speak one of the local languages, but Chad speaks it much more fluently than me.

    Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

    Chad makes a good chilli and homemade burger. Being a food writer, I do most of the cooking - he loves my Yorkshire pudding. Mostly we cook food from all over the place, I lived in Italy for a while and my sister-in-law is Italian so that has a big influence on what we eat.

    Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture you found surprising?

    I think it’s sometimes assumed that America and Britain are similar so finding any differences is surprising. I would say the biggest surprise for me is how traditional Americans seem to be in comparison to Brits when it comes to family life and relationships. I think we British are more flexible about dating and marriage and how things ‘are done’. However I think it is difficult to generalise too much because America is so huge and influenced by so many other countries.

    What’s the best thing about a cross-cultural relationship?

    Of course you learn a great deal from someone from another culture, for me being married to an American is wonderful – American culture has become such a mythological thing as it has penetrated so many other cultures. I personally love American fiction so to see a country I have read so much about is very exciting. Personally I have found Americans to be warm and friendly people and I have many friends there now who I have great affection for.

    What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    We do not always see eye to eye politically, and there are some topics we don’t really touch upon because they are so controversial. We also have the problem of working out where to live, wherever we go we will be far away from one or the other side of the family. Maybe that’s why we are in Zambia again!

    Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

    Learn as much as you can about your partner’s culture and ensure they are doing the same. If you understand where your partner is coming from you understand who they are. Visit that country and ask a lot of questions and talk about your differences. If you have children I think it is crucial they grow up knowing both cultures it, will make them richer human beings.

    Find Elizabeth on her blog Scrapbook

    Read more:
    More interviews with cross-cultural couples
    The year of America: are Americans misunderstood?
    Blogs from the UK on Blogs of the World
    Blogs from the USA on Blogs of the World

  • 0 Comments
  • Filed under: UK, USA
  • Tags:
  • Add This!
  • Meet Liz and Uwe

    Where are you from?

    My name is Liz and I’m American, my husband is German and named Uwe.

    Where did you meet?

    We were both teaching at a language school in Germany, he teaches English and German so we got to know one another via the staff room. I conspired for lessons from him so we could spend more time together, so he was also my German teacher.

    What language do you speak at home?

    Oddly enough we speak English at home. Uwe spent time in the U.S. as a child and has traveled and lived abroad extensively, so his English is quite fluent. I’ve made a point of always using German with his friends and family, and now that we have moved back to Germany I’ll use more at home too. It’s important to get my German back up to speed.

    Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

    We both are fascinated by international cuisine and love to cook, so any week will be extremely international. Uwe usually cooks the more European things, and German specialties of course. I cover the rest of the world.

    We eat a lot of Indian, quite a bit of Thai and Chinese, a lot of Moroccan, Arabic and Turkish. Italian of course, we really loved living there and exploring regional specialties. We went to Mexico and Central America for our honeymoon, so I have those ingredients and flavors on my mind.

    Maybe I should put up a map of the world on the wall and throw darts at it to decide what’s for dinner tonight!

    Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

    Cross-cultural awareness played a large role in my studies at university, and I studied German there (with disastrous results) so I had some knowledge and an intellectual basis for assessing German culture when I arrived.

    Of course the usual things are still something to adjust to, learning different communication styles comes to mind–the difference between the familiar du and formal Sie for example. I used to be worried that I would slip and use du to his parents, he assured me it was silly but I wanted to be respectful and correct. After some time they suggested our relationship had progressed enough, and that we should say du to one another and it touched me. I enjoyed that marked shift in the relationship and felt an appreciation for what it represented.

    The biggest surprise to me has been social and political. Another passion of mine is politics, and I remain heavily involved in American politics even though I’ve lived abroad for 15 years or so. The contrast between political systems and styles of governing, the campaigning and advertising, what beliefs are held by what groups of people is fascinating to me.

    The American concepts of liberal and conservative are very different from Germany and all of Europe, so I’ve been surprised at the degree that conservatives here support liberal values. Even the definitions of those words is so different. Some years ago I became ill, and my German doctor ordered me off work for about a month. I was convinced I must be dying! I mean, a month? What was wrong with me? I would lose my job!

    What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Absolutely it’s a chance to expand your horizons, your world view. Any two people in a relationship bring their lives together and build something, there’s always learning involved. But the chance to have a close-up insiders view of another culture adds a wonderful element.

    What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Every cross-cultural relationship will have its unique dynamics, depending on the cultures and people involved. In our case I think the most difficult thing was adjusting communication styles in times of stress. Germans have a more direct style and easily separate discussion of an idea from personal feelings or ego. Expressing dissatisfaction at something doesn’t carry personal overtones. The physical distance from my family is also frustrating though I love living abroad and likely would regardless of my marriage.

    Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

    Be patient, understanding and respectful of other ways of doing things, the other values people have or different ways of looking at the world. Understanding the different frameworks used to analyze cultures helps offer insight into why your partner does some things certain ways. Communication is crucial, as is compromise! This is true in any relationship, but cross-cultural couples might need to work a little harder at it.

    You can find Liz on Twitter @lizholcomb

    Read more:
    More interviews with cross-cultural couples
    The year of America:are Americans misunderstood?
    Blogs from Germany on Blogs of the World
    Why ice cubes aren’t popular in Germany

  • 1 Comment
  • Filed under: Germany, USA
  • Tags:
  • Add This!
  • Meet Anna and Bose

    Where are you from?

    Bose was Indian until recently and is now a US citizen; Anna is English and hopes to be a joint UK/US citizen soon.

    Where did you meet?

    We met in New York City (where we both live) at a dinner organized by a colleague of Anna who is married to a high school friend of Bose.

    What language do you speak at home?

    We speak English – neither of us speaks another language fluently. Bose speaks a little Malayalam (the language of Kerala, India) but is no longer fluent. His Spanish is probably better than his Malayalam.

    Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

    We both enjoy food from many countries and our cooking at home reflects that. Anna cooks some traditional English foods; Bose likes to learn how to cook these and other dishes from Anna. Neither of us have learned to prepare Keralan food so we do not cook that at home – but we enjoy it when visiting Bose’s parents or sister.

    Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

    Anna: I was surprised by the segregation of men and women at social gatherings in Kerala. This seems to stem in large part from the fact that women do not (or are expected not to) drink alcohol or smoke in Kerala, while the men drink like fish and often smoke. Therefore, the men tend to gather around the bar, standing in groups to talk while drinking and smoking while the ladies sit around tables drinking juice. At home, the same thing happens after dinner – the ladies retire to one room to chat while the men go to drink in another.

    Bose: No real surprises although I was surprised at how much I liked English food after all the jokes one hears about English cooking.

    What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Anna: Exposure to another culture! Of course, it is great to have the opportunity to learn about another culture from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, to travel to the country of your partner, to experience home life in that country and to broaden one’s horizons and make new acquaintances through that experience.

    Bose: Discovering treacle tart.

    What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Bose: The biggest challenges were more logistical than cultural. We have to do a lot of travelling to keep in touch with our families.

    Anna: It is certainly a challenge to spend sufficient time with our families because they are so far from us and from each other, geographically, as well as culturally. We live in the USA, while Anna’s parents are in England and Bose’s parents are in India. We have an 18 month old son who cannot spend much time with his grandparents and of course it is expensive in terms of time and money to visit our parents each year. Our parents have never met each other. Of course some people may think distance from the in-laws is a benefit of a cross-cultural marriage!

    Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

    Anna: Be sure to discuss where you would like to live for the rest of your lives - this could be a tough discussion but you have to have it.

    Bose: Reiterate Anna’s point that this should be resolved thoroughly before getting married (even more thoroughly than we did).

    Read more:
    Meet Sharell and Pradeep (Australia and India)
    Meet Ozlem and Javier (Turkey and Spain)
    Meet Matthew and Shinichi (USA and Japan)

  • 0 Comments
  • Filed under: India, UK, USA
  • Tags:
  • Add This!
  • Meet Matthew and Shinichi

    Where are you from?

    (Matthew): I’m from the United States and Shinichi is Japanese.

    Where did you meet?

    We met in Tokyo twelve years ago when a mutual friend brought him to my birthday party.

    What language do you speak at home?

    The language we speak depends on the situation, but daily conversation is about half English and half Japanese. Once the subject turns serious (money matters, disagreements, etc) we tend to switch into English. We also have a large vocabulary of words in our own language – sort of a goofy blend of Japanese and English that have evolved over time to be completely incomprehensible to others.

    Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

    Like the way we speak to each other, our cooking is a mixture of Western and Japanese. Thai, Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian dishes are often on the menu as well. We always have yogurt, fruit and toast in the mornings – Japanese breakfasts of grilled fish and fermented soybeans don’t go well with coffee, in my opinion.

    Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

    Though my partner and his family are not religious, I was surprised at their observance of customs such as keeping a shrine in their home and the regular visits to the family cemetery plot. It was quite unnerving the first time I went to wash the gravestones as I literally felt a century’s worth of ancestors staring down at me.

    With time I became more relaxed and now actually look forward to the tombstone-cleaning days – it reminds me that I am an accepted part of his family (accepted by the living ones anyway).

    What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Obviously, this relationship has also allowed me to experience Japan in a truly fundamental way that no visitor could possibly imagine. However, after 9 years of being together, it rarely even occurs to me that our relationship is “cross-cultural”. A large number of our friends are also cross-cultural couples and I think that makes it seem rather like the norm as opposed to something special.

    What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

    Worrying about what country we could live in together was that hardest part of our relationship. Although we have a marriage certificate from Canada, neither his nor my country recognize us as a couple. My ability to stay in Japan depended on whether or not I had a job and there is no way he could get a visa for the US so we were always anxious that there might be a day when we would have to live apart. We have been trying to immigrate to Australia – a country that does recognize our commitment. Recently, however, I was granted permanent residency in Japan thus diminishing the fear of being separated.

    Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

    Yes - learn each other’s languages and, if possible, spend a good amount of time in each other’s countries. This is key to understanding your partner’s perspective and it alleviates a good deal of miscommunication.

    I also think spending time together in a third country is a fantastic way to strengthen your relationship. It puts you in a situation where you are both equally foreign and you learn to work as a couple instead of relying on the one who is in their home country.

  • 0 Comments
  • Filed under: Japan, USA
  • Tags:
  • Add This!
  • Get involved

    The Places



    Archives