Cross-cultural marriages are quite common in the UK. Recently Anoushka Asthana, who is of Indian descent, described her own cross-cultural relationship in an article in the Guardian.

“For Toby and me, our first three months together have undoubtedly been a reminder of just how different our cultures are. After all, the wedding did not prepare him for the next step of our marriage – a trip to India to meet the real family. Toby grew up on the outskirts of Oxford with his mum, dad, brother and a succession of dogs. He had one aunt and no first cousins. I, too, grew up in England (near Manchester) with both parents and a brother – but that is where the similarities end.

Welcome to India, where first cousins are akin to brothers and sisters, second cousins to first cousins and any close family friend is considered – and treated – as a relative. Add to that the fact that everyone wants to meet, cuddle, feed and interrogate a new husband. For Toby, that means a new family with 17 “brothers and sisters”, dozens of cousins and almost 100 aunties and uncles“.

More cross-cultural families means more cross-cultural children. A study mentioned in the article found that 10% of children in the UK now live in mixed-race families. More on this in the next few weeks - if you’d like to share your experiences please get in touch.

Is cross-cultural marriage common in your country? If you’re in a cross-cultural relationship, do you know others in similar relationships? Tell us about it in the comments.

Read more:
Meet some cross-cultural couples
Elvis and the calabash: building common cultural references
Eating like a Persian: how to impress the in-laws

Where are you from?

Bose was Indian until recently and is now a US citizen; Anna is English and hopes to be a joint UK/US citizen soon.

Where did you meet?

We met in New York City (where we both live) at a dinner organized by a colleague of Anna who is married to a high school friend of Bose.

What language do you speak at home?

We speak English – neither of us speaks another language fluently. Bose speaks a little Malayalam (the language of Kerala, India) but is no longer fluent. His Spanish is probably better than his Malayalam.

Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

We both enjoy food from many countries and our cooking at home reflects that. Anna cooks some traditional English foods; Bose likes to learn how to cook these and other dishes from Anna. Neither of us have learned to prepare Keralan food so we do not cook that at home – but we enjoy it when visiting Bose’s parents or sister.

Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

Anna: I was surprised by the segregation of men and women at social gatherings in Kerala. This seems to stem in large part from the fact that women do not (or are expected not to) drink alcohol or smoke in Kerala, while the men drink like fish and often smoke. Therefore, the men tend to gather around the bar, standing in groups to talk while drinking and smoking while the ladies sit around tables drinking juice. At home, the same thing happens after dinner – the ladies retire to one room to chat while the men go to drink in another.

Bose: No real surprises although I was surprised at how much I liked English food after all the jokes one hears about English cooking.

What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Anna: Exposure to another culture! Of course, it is great to have the opportunity to learn about another culture from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, to travel to the country of your partner, to experience home life in that country and to broaden one’s horizons and make new acquaintances through that experience.

Bose: Discovering treacle tart.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Bose: The biggest challenges were more logistical than cultural. We have to do a lot of travelling to keep in touch with our families.

Anna: It is certainly a challenge to spend sufficient time with our families because they are so far from us and from each other, geographically, as well as culturally. We live in the USA, while Anna’s parents are in England and Bose’s parents are in India. We have an 18 month old son who cannot spend much time with his grandparents and of course it is expensive in terms of time and money to visit our parents each year. Our parents have never met each other. Of course some people may think distance from the in-laws is a benefit of a cross-cultural marriage!

Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

Anna: Be sure to discuss where you would like to live for the rest of your lives - this could be a tough discussion but you have to have it.

Bose: Reiterate Anna’s point that this should be resolved thoroughly before getting married (even more thoroughly than we did).

Read more:
Meet Sharell and Pradeep (Australia and India)
Meet Ozlem and Javier (Turkey and Spain)
Meet Matthew and Shinichi (USA and Japan)

This is the first in our series of interviews with cross-cultural couples around the world. Hope you enjoy it! If you’d like to participate in a future interview send over your details.

Where are you from?

Sharell: I’m Australian and Pradeep is Indian

Where did you meet?

In Kolkata, India, where we were both working at the time. (We’ve since settled in Mumbai).

What language do you speak at home?

We speak a combination of English and Hindi. In the beginning, we only spoke in English. However, the more my Hindi improves, the more of it we speak to each other. My parents in law don’t speak English, so I always speak in Hindi to them (to varying degrees of success!).

Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

I do cook a lot of Indian food because we both love it, and because the ingredients are readily available and inexpensive here in India. I also make typical Australian food like grilled meat and salads from time to time, but not very often. It becomes too bland! Other types of food I regularly cook are Italian (mainly pasta) and Chinese. Ingredients for Italian food are harder to come by though, and are often imported and costly.

Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

Having to bathe in the morning before eating breakfast. Traditional Hindus consider it to be unclean if they don’t bathe before eating in the morning. My husband isn’t very traditional, and we don’t practice this at home. Therefore, I was quite surprised when I stayed at my in-law’s place (who are traditional) and my mother in law was very reluctant to serve me breakfast. Instead, she kept asking me if I wanted to take a shower (obviously too polite to tell me that I was unclean and shouldn’t eat). Finally, I figured it out!

What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

The richness that comes from discovering another culture. Being in a cross cultural relationship is a great way to learn and experience new things, and broaden your view of the world. I also love the spiritual aspect of India, and feel like it’s added a great perspective to my life.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

The different ways of behaving, and trying to understand what is normal behaviour for the culture and not getting upset by it.

Indians prefer to ask for directions (which often turn out to be wrong!) rather than rely on maps, they aren’t very punctual, and can be quite intrusive. I’ve found the lack of privacy in India quite hard to deal with. Visitors turn up unannounced, and people commonly ask personal questions. However, I’ve had to recognise that this is the cultural norm and try to adapt. India has definitely required me to relax, open up, and become more accepting!

Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

Try to understand and appreciate each other’s cultures as much as possible. Also, adapt to fit into the culture where necessary. You’ll get more respect from people that way.

Read more from Sharell on her blog Diary of a White Indian Housewife. She also writes about India travel for About.com.

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Read more stories of cross-cultural relationships from My Partner is a Foreigner

Ok, well we had to start somewhere! But we´d love to hear from you for future posts.

Are you married to / dating someone who comes from a different country? What was the most surprising, funny, even uncomfortable event linked to your different backgrounds? Did you grow up worlds apart, or are your cultures pretty similar? If you don´t have a foreign partner, you could still contribute if you have ever had a friend of a different nationality.

Anyway, back to the post. Where better to start than the great Michael Caine. He fell in love with his wife Shakira after seeing her on the tv, in a coffee advertisement. As the advertisement was set in Brazil, he assumed she was Brazilian and he managed to persuade his friend to go to Brazil with him so he could meet the girl he wanted to marry…

…Luckily he thought to check with the company making the commercial before leaving, Shakira was Indian (born in Guyana) and lived only one mile away from his house in London! He called her the next day and the two have been together ever since.