In our recent interview series we asked “Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?”

The answers were so good that they deserve a post of their own. Here they are, with some extra tips from the PocketCultures team and our readers.

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1. Understand, respect and adapt where necessary

“Try to understand and appreciate each other’s cultures as much as possible. Also, adapt to fit into the culture where necessary. You’ll get more respect from people that way.” (Sharell)

“Be patient if your partner doesn’t understand cultural references, he/she grew up in a different country watching different TV shows, listening to different music, reading different books, and so on.” (Ana)

“If you feel yourself getting angry at something your partner has said or done, take a second to think about whether you may be approaching the situation through different cultural filters before you react. Deciding how you are going to work through any differences in viewpoint is a great way to strengthen your relationship.” (Marie)

“Be patient, understanding and respectful of other ways of doing things, the other values people have or different ways of looking at the world. Understanding the different frameworks used to analyze cultures helps offer insight into why your partner does some things certain ways. Communication is crucial, as is compromise! This is true in any relationship, but cross-cultural couples might need to work a little harder at it.” (Liz)

2. Learn your partner’s language

“Learn each other’s languages and, if possible, spend a good amount of time in each other’s countries. This is key to understanding your partner’s perspective and it alleviates a good deal of miscommunication.” (Matthew and Shinichi)

“I agree that both members of the couple need to speak both languages so that both can: laugh at the same jokes; express how they feel more clearly and understand the other’s point of view (it has happened to me that when I’m in distress or really pissed off I revert to Spanish, my first language); visit each other’s families and be able to communicate with the relatives without the need of a translator (otherwise it can be stressful and incredibly boring!)” (Ana)

3. Think about where to live

“Be sure to discuss where you would like to live for the rest of your lives - this could be a tough discussion but you have to have it.” (Anna and Bose)

“Spending time together in a third country is a fantastic way to strengthen your relationship. It puts you in a situation where you are both equally foreign and you learn to work as a couple instead of relying on the one who is in their home country.” (Matthew and Shinichi)

“For the partner who is living in his/her native country, it is essential to be patient with the partner who is living abroad. Living abroad is a constant adjustment and sacrifice, and it doesn’t always get easier with time. My partner and I spend time in Brazil as often as possible so that he feels connected to his native country and family.” (Jenna)

4. Pass on both cultures to your children

“Try to raise your children bilingually. It can be difficult, but there are huge advantages. I know children of multicultural families who regret not speaking the language of both parents.” Liz

“If you have children I think it is crucial they grow up knowing both cultures, it will make them richer human beings.” (Elizabeth)

5. Embrace the differences!

“Cultural differences exist when it comes to relationships and raising children. Try to accept them rather than trying to change the other person.” (Jenna)

“We need to embrace our cultural differences. We’ll never understand our partner 100 percent (anyway, who does?), but knowing what our differences are makes it a little easier.” (Ana)

What advice would you give to cross-cultural couples and multicultural families?

Read more:
English empanadas and Argentinian bubble and squeak?
An extraordinary journey
5 tips for raising a bilingual child

This morning I stumbled across BBC World Service’s Outlook programme, which was talking about interracial dating. The programme was part of a series on Internet love stories.

Many of those featured found love with someone from another country. One of them is James, who has been married for eight years:

“I’m Irish and met my American wife playing checkers online. We chatted for about three months and got married in Las Vegas two days after we met”

If you’re interested in participating you can share your story with them by emailing outlook@bbc.com

And don’t forget, you can share your story with us too. Just fill in the form and we’ll get in touch.

Read more:
PocketCultures interviews with cross-cultural couples
Black and white: portraits of interracial couples
Cross-cultural marriage in the UK and beyond

This is a guest post by Eve Bodeux. Eve is mother of two boys, married to a Frenchman. She lives in the Denver, Colorado USA area and blogs at bloggingonbilingualism.com

Parents the globe over have bilingualism (or multilingualism) as a goal for their children as they realize the value this advantage provides in our ever-smaller world. Mixing traditional approaches with modern supplemental activities allows enthusiastic parents to encourage their children in learning a second language. Here are my five top tips for success!

1. Start early

Introduce your child to his or her second language as soon as possible. Immediately after birth is not too soon! Don’t be discouraged, though, if you are introducing your child to a bilingual environment at a later age. Any linguistic input you are able to provide your child in a second language will propel him or her on the path to successful communication and contribute to his or her enthusiasm for learning about the world as a larger global community.

2. Encourage regular conversation

Have your child engage in conversation often with a native or proficient non-native speaker. This can be one or both parents, but if you do not speak the language you are targeting, this could be a relative, a good friend or a visitor from abroad for the summer, for example. The more time a child spends in exposure to the language, the more fluent he or she will become.

3. Take advantage of new technologies…

Nothing replaces human interaction, but use the tools at your disposal in today’s fast paced world. Does your son love his Nintendo DS? Then buy him games in Spanish to teach him new vocabulary without him even noticing as he zaps the bad guy. Does your daughter love her iPod? Download hip songs in Italian or German-language videos from the iTunes store or YouTube to watch on the go. DVDs used wisely can teach children new phrases and vocabulary as well as exposing them to cultural information that goes hand-in-hand with their second language.

4. …but don’t forget about books

Books are key to your child’s success in becoming fluent. They provide rich vocabulary input as well as develop literacy. For children just being introduced to a new language, feel free to use dual language texts side by side to encourage your child’s growing confidence. However, do not underestimate your child’s ability to learn quickly and, especially if your child is not reading yet, go for full immersion. Acquire monolingual books in your target language and your child will quickly begin to recognize new words, concepts and grammatical structures.

5. Demonstrate practical benefits

Show your child the practical side of the language. No one wants to learn a skill that isn’t used for anything. Does learning Italian help him to communicate with his Grandmother in Rome on Skype? Does understanding French let her be an email pen pal with the cute exchange student from last summer? Consistently use your second language when participating in a special activity with your child such as skiing or cooking.

Know that bilingualism is a journey and there will be highs and lows, but stick with it and you and your child will reap the long-term benefits. In addition to the obvious linguistic benefits, bilingualism encourages problem-solving skills and contributes to making your child a true world citizen.

What are your experiences with raising bilingual children? Do you have any tips to add to the list?

Read more:
A truly Spanglish couple: learning Spanish in Cancun, Mexico
Bilingualism in expat couples
Resources for multi-cultural families

Cross-cultural marriages are quite common in the UK. Recently Anoushka Asthana, who is of Indian descent, described her own cross-cultural relationship in an article in the Guardian.

“For Toby and me, our first three months together have undoubtedly been a reminder of just how different our cultures are. After all, the wedding did not prepare him for the next step of our marriage – a trip to India to meet the real family. Toby grew up on the outskirts of Oxford with his mum, dad, brother and a succession of dogs. He had one aunt and no first cousins. I, too, grew up in England (near Manchester) with both parents and a brother – but that is where the similarities end.

Welcome to India, where first cousins are akin to brothers and sisters, second cousins to first cousins and any close family friend is considered – and treated – as a relative. Add to that the fact that everyone wants to meet, cuddle, feed and interrogate a new husband. For Toby, that means a new family with 17 “brothers and sisters”, dozens of cousins and almost 100 aunties and uncles“.

More cross-cultural families means more cross-cultural children. A study mentioned in the article found that 10% of children in the UK now live in mixed-race families. More on this in the next few weeks - if you’d like to share your experiences please get in touch.

Is cross-cultural marriage common in your country? If you’re in a cross-cultural relationship, do you know others in similar relationships? Tell us about it in the comments.

Read more:
Meet some cross-cultural couples
Elvis and the calabash: building common cultural references
Eating like a Persian: how to impress the in-laws

Last week’s interview with Liz and Chad was the last in our interview series. It’s been great learning more about your experiences of cross-cultural relationships so thanks again to everyone who participated.

If you’re hankering after more cross-cultural interviews, or if you missed the chance to volunteer on PocketCultures, head over to How to marry a Bulgarian, where Petya is looking for couples to participate in her Life in the Trenches series.

In the next few posts we’re going to talk about some other aspects of cross-cultural relationships, and we’re looking for people with stories of cultural differences to share, like this one.

If you have a cross-cultural story to share please get in touch.

Read more:
Interviews with cross-cultural couples
Stories about meeting the family
Stories about learning the language