Cross-cultural marriages are quite common in the UK. Recently Anoushka Asthana, who is of Indian descent, described her own cross-cultural relationship in an article in the Guardian.

“For Toby and me, our first three months together have undoubtedly been a reminder of just how different our cultures are. After all, the wedding did not prepare him for the next step of our marriage – a trip to India to meet the real family. Toby grew up on the outskirts of Oxford with his mum, dad, brother and a succession of dogs. He had one aunt and no first cousins. I, too, grew up in England (near Manchester) with both parents and a brother – but that is where the similarities end.

Welcome to India, where first cousins are akin to brothers and sisters, second cousins to first cousins and any close family friend is considered – and treated – as a relative. Add to that the fact that everyone wants to meet, cuddle, feed and interrogate a new husband. For Toby, that means a new family with 17 “brothers and sisters”, dozens of cousins and almost 100 aunties and uncles“.

More cross-cultural families means more cross-cultural children. A study mentioned in the article found that 10% of children in the UK now live in mixed-race families. More on this in the next few weeks - if you’d like to share your experiences please get in touch.

Is cross-cultural marriage common in your country? If you’re in a cross-cultural relationship, do you know others in similar relationships? Tell us about it in the comments.

Read more:
Meet some cross-cultural couples
Elvis and the calabash: building common cultural references
Eating like a Persian: how to impress the in-laws

Last week’s interview with Liz and Chad was the last in our interview series. It’s been great learning more about your experiences of cross-cultural relationships so thanks again to everyone who participated.

If you’re hankering after more cross-cultural interviews, or if you missed the chance to volunteer on PocketCultures, head over to How to marry a Bulgarian, where Petya is looking for couples to participate in her Life in the Trenches series.

In the next few posts we’re going to talk about some other aspects of cross-cultural relationships, and we’re looking for people with stories of cultural differences to share, like this one.

If you have a cross-cultural story to share please get in touch.

Read more:
Interviews with cross-cultural couples
Stories about meeting the family
Stories about learning the language

Where are you from?

I am from the West Midlands in the UK and my husband is from Virginia in the US

Where did you meet?

We met in Zambia, Africa. We were both volunteers in the same area.

What language do you speak at home?

English, but two different versions of it! Now we are back in Zambia we both speak one of the local languages, but Chad speaks it much more fluently than me.

Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

Chad makes a good chilli and homemade burger. Being a food writer, I do most of the cooking - he loves my Yorkshire pudding. Mostly we cook food from all over the place, I lived in Italy for a while and my sister-in-law is Italian so that has a big influence on what we eat.

Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture you found surprising?

I think it’s sometimes assumed that America and Britain are similar so finding any differences is surprising. I would say the biggest surprise for me is how traditional Americans seem to be in comparison to Brits when it comes to family life and relationships. I think we British are more flexible about dating and marriage and how things ‘are done’. However I think it is difficult to generalise too much because America is so huge and influenced by so many other countries.

What’s the best thing about a cross-cultural relationship?

Of course you learn a great deal from someone from another culture, for me being married to an American is wonderful – American culture has become such a mythological thing as it has penetrated so many other cultures. I personally love American fiction so to see a country I have read so much about is very exciting. Personally I have found Americans to be warm and friendly people and I have many friends there now who I have great affection for.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

We do not always see eye to eye politically, and there are some topics we don’t really touch upon because they are so controversial. We also have the problem of working out where to live, wherever we go we will be far away from one or the other side of the family. Maybe that’s why we are in Zambia again!

Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

Learn as much as you can about your partner’s culture and ensure they are doing the same. If you understand where your partner is coming from you understand who they are. Visit that country and ask a lot of questions and talk about your differences. If you have children I think it is crucial they grow up knowing both cultures it, will make them richer human beings.

Find Elizabeth on her blog Scrapbook

Read more:
More interviews with cross-cultural couples
The year of America: are Americans misunderstood?
Blogs from the UK on Blogs of the World
Blogs from the USA on Blogs of the World

Where are you from?

My name is Liz and I’m American, my husband is German and named Uwe.

Where did you meet?

We were both teaching at a language school in Germany, he teaches English and German so we got to know one another via the staff room. I conspired for lessons from him so we could spend more time together, so he was also my German teacher.

What language do you speak at home?

Oddly enough we speak English at home. Uwe spent time in the U.S. as a child and has traveled and lived abroad extensively, so his English is quite fluent. I’ve made a point of always using German with his friends and family, and now that we have moved back to Germany I’ll use more at home too. It’s important to get my German back up to speed.

Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

We both are fascinated by international cuisine and love to cook, so any week will be extremely international. Uwe usually cooks the more European things, and German specialties of course. I cover the rest of the world.

We eat a lot of Indian, quite a bit of Thai and Chinese, a lot of Moroccan, Arabic and Turkish. Italian of course, we really loved living there and exploring regional specialties. We went to Mexico and Central America for our honeymoon, so I have those ingredients and flavors on my mind.

Maybe I should put up a map of the world on the wall and throw darts at it to decide what’s for dinner tonight!

Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

Cross-cultural awareness played a large role in my studies at university, and I studied German there (with disastrous results) so I had some knowledge and an intellectual basis for assessing German culture when I arrived.

Of course the usual things are still something to adjust to, learning different communication styles comes to mind–the difference between the familiar du and formal Sie for example. I used to be worried that I would slip and use du to his parents, he assured me it was silly but I wanted to be respectful and correct. After some time they suggested our relationship had progressed enough, and that we should say du to one another and it touched me. I enjoyed that marked shift in the relationship and felt an appreciation for what it represented.

The biggest surprise to me has been social and political. Another passion of mine is politics, and I remain heavily involved in American politics even though I’ve lived abroad for 15 years or so. The contrast between political systems and styles of governing, the campaigning and advertising, what beliefs are held by what groups of people is fascinating to me.

The American concepts of liberal and conservative are very different from Germany and all of Europe, so I’ve been surprised at the degree that conservatives here support liberal values. Even the definitions of those words is so different. Some years ago I became ill, and my German doctor ordered me off work for about a month. I was convinced I must be dying! I mean, a month? What was wrong with me? I would lose my job!

What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Absolutely it’s a chance to expand your horizons, your world view. Any two people in a relationship bring their lives together and build something, there’s always learning involved. But the chance to have a close-up insiders view of another culture adds a wonderful element.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Every cross-cultural relationship will have its unique dynamics, depending on the cultures and people involved. In our case I think the most difficult thing was adjusting communication styles in times of stress. Germans have a more direct style and easily separate discussion of an idea from personal feelings or ego. Expressing dissatisfaction at something doesn’t carry personal overtones. The physical distance from my family is also frustrating though I love living abroad and likely would regardless of my marriage.

Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

Be patient, understanding and respectful of other ways of doing things, the other values people have or different ways of looking at the world. Understanding the different frameworks used to analyze cultures helps offer insight into why your partner does some things certain ways. Communication is crucial, as is compromise! This is true in any relationship, but cross-cultural couples might need to work a little harder at it.

You can find Liz on Twitter @lizholcomb

Read more:
More interviews with cross-cultural couples
The year of America:are Americans misunderstood?
Blogs from Germany on Blogs of the World
Why ice cubes aren’t popular in Germany

Where are you from?

My name is Anna, and I’m Russian, my boyfriend is called Ailo and he’s Norwegian.

Where did you meet?

We have known each other for 5 years, we’ve been internet friends. Last year I just went to Norway to study and we started dating.

What language do you speak at home?

We speak English.

Do you try to cook food from each other’s countries?

I cook Russian food, he likes it a lot,he cooks different meals like Mexican, Italian, American so, nothing in particular. But not Norwegian as it’s more for holidays, than everyday meals.

Can you explain one part of your partner’s culture that you found surprising?

Yeap, he’s not very emotional all the time, but I learned how to tell what he feels by his face and body language. He doesn’t talk about love a lot, but if he tells that he loves me it means that this is very serious, not just words, So it’s new, but I really appreciate it.

What’s the best thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

It’s that everything is so different and interesting, not routine. It’s so interesting to talk about differences in our cultures, make jokes about them, it’s fun!

I just like Norwegian culture, I know a lot about it, so it’s more a nice thing that we’re from different countries than a problem causing thing.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a cross-cultural relationship?

Hmm, I guess it’s language that can cause misunderstanding… but in fact it’s not. it’s all about respect and value. If I misunderstood my boyfriend, we would always sort the problem out and we’d see what was the root of the problem. So it’s probably the language and cultural differences, but you can always avoid big problems if you learn the language better, learn each other’s cultural peculiarities and simply respect each other.

Do you have any advice for other cross-cultural couples?

Yeah, learn as more as you can about the culture of your partner, listen to each other, appreciate and respect each other.

UPDATE (13 Jan): the original version of the interview didn’t have Ailo’s name, and has been updated.

Read more:
Meet Anna and Bose (UK and India/USA)
Meet Sharell and Pradeep (Australia and India)
Meet Ozlem and Javier (Turkey and Spain)
Meet Matthew and Shinichi (USA and Japan)